When I first moved to Mexico, I was annoyed, frankly, by the amount of time it took people to eat here.
At a typical restaurant, the waiter would drop off the menu and disappear. He would reappear to take our drink order, and then disappear again.
It was unnerving how no one, except me, cared about this. I’d be at a restaurant frantically trying to catch the waiter’s eye (should I stand up? should I go get him?) while every other Mexican looked happily oblivious. Lounging over their post-dinner coffees like they could have stayed there all night.
In Spanish this after-dinner lingering is called the “sobremesa.” An exact equivalent doesn’t exist in English, but it basically means chatting with friends after a meal and letting the food digest.
Basically, the sobremesa means that meals in Mexico — or rather, lunch, which is the biggest meal of the day — can stretch into two hours. Or even four, if you’re hanging out with your work buddies and throwing back tequilas.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever be one of these sobremesa, hanging-out-in-a-restaurant-all-afternoon types of persons. Patience is not one of my virtues, and after a meal I like to go home. But I’m happy to report that the change is underway.
Consider the evidence:
1. When I was in New York recently, I felt ambushed when the waiter appeared to take our order, five minutes after we sat down. Were we supposed to be reading our menus this whole time? Didn’t everyone else just want to have drinks and sit for awhile? It turned out, no. All the Americans were ready to order except me. I asked everyone nicely if we could please order appetizers first, and then decide later on our main plates.
2. We had lunch with Erik and Jesica recently, and the four of us hadn’t hung out in awhile. We met up at 2 p.m. at Barracuda Diner. At 3:30, we were still talking… at 4 p.m., still talking… and finally at 4:30, Crayton and I had to leave to pick up our friend at the airport. But I could have stayed longer. It was fantastic, this sitting after a meal without a care in the world except the company we were with. Two hours had ticked by, and I hadn’t once fretted about some task that had to be done at home.
3. I now love when the waiter drops off the drink menu and disappears. I think it’s classy.
What about you? Do you like lingering after a meal?
I do love the sobremesa! Not something that I had to get used to with much difficulty. Like you, when I go back to the US I have to adjust to speeding up the meal process…not to mention arriving on time!
Leah: Tell me about it. I’m always anxious about arriving on time when I go back to the States; last time I was there, I mismanaged my time and broke out into a run on the streets of New York. 🙂 I’ve gotten so used to the 15/20 minute window here in Mexico.
After only one family reunion of my fathers side of the family(pure Mexican) i was converted into a sobremesa believer. I, being a 2nd generation Mexican American, didn’t grow up with the ‘tradition’. So this was a new experience for me. It is interesting though, how cultures are so different. So much so that even the amount of time you eat in is different.
Tabi: Glad you got to experience the sobremesa. 🙂 And yes, I love how meal times are different here in Mexico — eating lunch at 1:30 or 2 p.m., or even later, is actually perfect because it holds me off until dinner time. Unlike eating at noon in the U.S., whereupon I’m usually hungry again by 4.
I totally understand what your talking about. I think both the US and Mexico ways are fun. I usually hangout with hispanics from my youth group in the US and its so much fun, we stay talking and laughing for hours. And in Mexico its my family who I spend my time with. So I go out with my cousins and we will catch up on alot of things and talk and laugh for hours. Hahaha,the sobremesa is a normal thing to me. But I will say that in Mexico they take forever to take my order. And in the US the waiter or waitress stops by every five minutes to see what I need hahaha. 🙂
Nancy: Yep, waiters do take a long time to take people’s orders here, but I don’t mind it as much as I used to. The one thing I wish they would change about Mexican service in restaurants is the desire to whisk one’s plate away immediately after you’ve set down your fork. I don’t get that one.
Hahaha, I dont get it either. Im always saying, “Um, excuse me I’m not done yet.” I usually like to take a bite and then talk and take more bites and then talk. But they just don’t seem to understand. XD
At least I’m not the only one who noticed this difference! It still irritates me, *slightly* that I have to wait for DAYS to order anything, to get attention from the waiter, to get all of our plates TOGETHER…. but I never really looked at it from the “sobremesa” persective. Now that i’m visiting the States, I’m equally irritated that I can’t start talking without the waitress butting in every five minutes to ask if we would like anything else. space!!! which one is better? uh… depends how hungry we are!!! 🙂
Oh yes — all of the plates together! You’re so right. I don’t know how many meals I’ve had in Mexico where I’ve forgotten to say, “Please bring my soup/salad/tacos with everyone else’s main plates,” and then I end up stuck eating my main meal while everyone else stares at me. Or sometimes they just bring your dish first, like 15 minutes before everyone else.
But yes, not having someone butt in every five minutes is really nice.
I guess I’m willing to overlook anything as long as the food is good.
I wish that lingering after a meal was more of an option in the U.S. for sure. Of course in Astoria, being SO Mediterranean, we can get away with hanging out for longer and the wait staff will take their sweet time taking orders, depending on where you are. The Greeks are all about this.
I think the big difference in cultures may come from tipping. Servers in the U.S. live on tips so they need the turnover in their tables in order to make a decent living. In Europe, servers are actually paid a decent wage and don’t rely heavily on tips. Is it the same in Mexico??
Good question. For some reason I’ve always thought that Mexican waiters don’t make much money, especially because there seem to be so many of them at a given restaurant. (There’s one person to take your drink order, one person to drop off the drinks, one person to whisk away your food, etc.) I’d say 90 percent of the restaurants I visit aren’t filled to capacity, either, which leaves many of the waiters standing around doing nothing.
Anyone else know what wages are like for waitstaff in Mexico?
I just noticed lately how nice it is not to feel so rushed in when going out to eat. I think if I did go back to the states I might feel I’m getting jipped if I didn’t have to go ask for my check long after our meal was over.
Regarding restaurant service in Mexico, the Sindicato Unico de Meseros Mexicanos y Trabajadores Similiares (SUMMTS)has some rules for waiters which are strictly enforced at participating restaurants.
1) Never bring the menu unless the client specifically requests it.
2) Once the meal is placed on the table, stand a distance away from the table and avoid eye contact with clients AT ALL COST, the client might want something.
3) Once the client consumes 3/4 of his meal, attempt to whisk the plates away as quickly as possible.
4) Once the plates are removed, see Rule #2. Even if the client waves his hands in the air, or even the tablecloth, see Rule #2.
5) Once the check is requested, spend as long as possible avoiding giving the bill to the client. Talk with your co-workers, flirt with the cooks assistant, take a break, do whatever it takes to delay this crucial moment.
6) Once payment is made see rule # 5.
La sobremesa is great if you have an attentive waiter who will keep bringing drinks or coffee. For this type of service, try an Argentine restaurant.
Sounds like you’ve had some bad luck, Douglas. This happens on occasion, but not often. At least not to me in GDL and I eat out at least 10 times per week. Things are a little slower than in the US, but I find waiters to be quite attentive.
However, I HAVE noticed that 90% of waiters “forget” to bring water when requested. I always have to ask twice.
When I go back to the US, I get SO annoyed when they bring the check without it being requested. I find that incredibly rude.
At first (being a new yorker at heart if not by birth)
I didn’t understand sobremesa or like asking for the check.
Damn first my Spanish is lacking now I can’t get any service here!?!
Learning to love the style has granted me calmness and
if I want a.s.a.p. food in Mexico….tacos from the street.
(Back home I do get annoyed when getting the check immediately after dinner now – whattya tryin ta get rid a me!?!?!!)
“if I want a.s.a.p. food in Mexico….tacos from the street.”
My thoughts exactly!
Lesley – may I re-use the first part of this post for a cultural lesson in one of my Spanish classes? You do such a fine job of both describing what la sobremesa is and how it takes some getting used to.
Sure, that’s fine. Glad you enjoyed the post.