Seven months ago, I quit my job as a reporter to move to Mexico with my husband. With no job — and no plans to get one, since we didn’t need it to survive financially — I promptly felt extremely guilty.
What was I supposed to do with my time? Yeah, the writing thing, but what was I really supposed to do with my time? I wasn’t even raising kids. I was just… there. At home. Mooching off the hubby, and redecorating our living room. This didn’t seem honorable for a woman who spent eight years as a reporter, and graduated cum laude from an East Coast university.
Granted, I could get a job. But really, I didn’t want one. Or maybe I was just being lazy. Or worse, maybe if I didn’t get one, my husband would start to think I was lazy. (I told him this. He said: “Never.”)
I confided in my friends that I wasn’t sure what my identity was anymore. They told me to relax and stop worrying, and that it would all work out.
They were right, because lately I’ve discovered that I really like being a housewife. Re-reading that sentence, part of me is cringing. But it’s true. I derive joy from my housewifely duties. I’ve taken ownership of them. I’m proud of the work I do.
I plan the meals, wash the dishes, do the grocery shopping, take our clothes to the cleaners. I spend Sundays wandering aimlessly around the tianguis, a dumb grin on my face. I love serving my husband a home-cooked meal after he’s worked all day. Usually I even clear the plates. (Do you hear that mom? The girl who hated washing dishes as a child now clears the table with gusto!)
This isn’t the same joy that I got from working hard on a story, but still — it’s peacefulness. Happiness.
Maybe, after 3 1/2 years of marriage, I’m finally getting comfortable being a wife, and welcoming the fact that our roles can evolve. Of course I won’t be doing laundry and washing the dishes forever. But now, this is what works. I’m happy.
*Pic above from our wedding day in San Antonio, TX
I know the feeling. My husband, 9 years older, retired, and I got to retire, too. But I felt too young to be retired and it took me a while to get comfortable with my new role.
Funny thing though he got some free lance work so he now works most mornings so he’s back at work and I’m still retired!
Life goes in cycles, maybe someday he will get an opportunity to stay home for a while, too. I
I completely identify with you! My soon to be husband and I just recently moved back to Mexico City for his work, and I’m still toying with the idea of what I should be doing…The thought of not working also makes me feel guilty – but at the same time I would rather dedicate my time to making our home!
At the end maybe it isn’t so important that your “role” identify who you are…as long as you are happy with what you accomplished at the end of each day 🙂 Good luck!
Lesley, so glad to hear you are enjoying this time in your life!